Protective Factor: Opportunities to Resolve Conflict in Family

The Holiday season is right around the corner, and for many this means spending time with family and friends to celebrate and reflect on the year we have had. While for many, the holidays are a happy and exciting time, I think it is important to recognize that for many others, it is not always warm and fuzzy. Anytime we find ourselves gathered with large groups of friends or family; it is very possible and highly likely that conflict will occur. The holidays also bring to light any conflict that maybe we have been dealing with throughout the year when the family comes together to sit down at the table. The bottom line is many of us will deal with some type of conflict within our families in the next couple of months. This brings us to this month’s protective factor. A protective factor is a factor present in a child’s life that makes it less likely they will use substances. The opportunity to resolve conflict in family is a protective factor that can potentially protect our youth against the harms of substance use. 

Let's start with the why. Why is the opportunity to resolve family conflict so important? There are many reasons why this is important, but perhaps the most influential reason is that family (especially during adolescence) serves as a child’s most consistent and meaningful support system. We know that having strong bonds in the family is a huge protective factor against substance use. These strong bonds are associated with better communication, learning more skills, and developing healthy relationships. When there is conflict in the family, this could lead to the weakening of family bonds, which over time could become a risk factor for substance use. Another reason to consider the importance of resolving family conflict is the development of conflict resolution skills. Anytime humans are living together there is bound to be conflict at some point. When a child gets mad at their friend, they may choose to stop spending time with that friend, however when a child gets mad at their sibling it is much more difficult for them to stop spending time together. So, it is even more important that children learn to resolve conflict within their families to foster  a peaceful and safe home environment. 

Conflict resolution is a skill that must be learned just like riding a bike or doing the laundry. This is something that as parents we must explicitly teach and model for our children, and for most this is not something children are just born knowing how to do. Teaching children how to resolve conflicts will take a lot of practice, but it may begin with conversations in the home. Teaching our children to talk about their feelings and being able to express themselves are fundamental skills when it comes to resolving conflicts, while also teaching our children to be empathetic and consider the feelings of others. When your child finds themselves in a conflict with a friend or sibling, talk to them about what they can say or how they might try to make it better.  

A couple of things to keep in mind.. The biggest way we can teach our children to resolve conflict is by modeling the behavior we want them to learn. Your children are going to see you have conflict with your spouse, family members, or even a stranger in public. We need to be mindful of how we handle these situations and remember that we are teaching our children through our own actions. Also, it is important that we teach our children to recognize that they are only responsible for their own words and actions. I am sure you can think of a time when you genuinely tried to resolve a conflict but were unable to do so because the other person simply wasn’t ready or didn’t want to. This happens, and in these situations, we don’t want our children to be blaming themselves or stressing about something they can’t change. We need to teach our children to do the best they can but learn to recognize when a conflict isn’t going to be resolved and walk away from the situation before things escalate into an unhealthy situation. 

In conclusion, I hope that this holiday season you will keep in mind the importance of conflict resolution in your family and be intentional about modeling healthy ways to resolve conflict. I also hope that you will teach your children the importance of resolving conflicts and give them opportunities to practice resolving conflicts on their own.  

2024 Missouri Student Survey: Where are we now?

Every two years there is a statewide survey given to students Grades 6-12 called the Missouri Student Survey. This survey is optional for school districts to participate in, but this year over 2,800 students statewide completed the survey, and 706 of those were from Butler County. The majority of the students taking the survey were in the 6th grade (44.8%). The remaining 55% were made up of high school students' grades (9-12). This survey asks students tons of questions, it covers things like previous substance use, substance use perceptions, behaviors, depression, parent’s perception, and resiliency. Today we are primarily going to be discussing the results of students in Butler County, and we are going to focus on the substance use indicators to determine where we are now and where are we heading. 

Perhaps the most telling portion of the survey is the past 30 day use section. This section asks students about which substances they have used in the past 30 days. The first substance addressed is tobacco (cigarettes or chew). To the surprise of many adults in the community this percentage is relatively small with only 3.5% of students reporting use in the past 30 days. Based upon my conversations with youth in the community and reviewing other data, I think this is accurate. Cigarettes and chew are just not the primary substance youth are using at this time. These substances are harder to obtain, harder to hide, and more expensive than other substances such as e-cigarettes. E-Cigarettes are by far the most commonly used substance among youth. This year’s MSS reports that 8.5% of students have used e-cigarettes in the past 30 days. Some national surveys have concluded that more like 40% of high school students are actually using e-cigarettes. 6.1% of students reported using alcohol in the past 30 days which is down slightly from previous years. The final past 30 days use indicator we will discuss is marijuana. 4.6% of the student in Butler County reported using this substance. This amount has decreased slightly from the 2022 survey, however it will be interesting to see what 2026 shows us as Marijuana is now legal for recreational use in Missouri, and is much more easily accessible than in the past.  

The next section of the survey I want to discuss is the parents’ perception of wrongness. According to the 2024 survey 93.8% of students believe their parents feel it would be ‘wrong’ or ‘very wrong’ to smoke tobacco. 95.6% of students believe parents would be ‘wrong’ or ‘very wrong’ to take one or two drinks of an alcoholic beverage nearly every day. Perhaps the most alarming were the statistics regarding marijuana and vape use. 92.9% said they believe their parents feel it would be ‘wrong’ or ‘very wrong’ to smoke marijuana once or twice a week and 93.1% feel it would be ‘wrong’ or ‘very wrong’ to vape. These statistics show us that the majority of youth believe their parents disapprove of them using substances. However, the number of students who thought their parents would disapprove of vaping or marijuana use was less than alcohol. I think this could have a few potential causes. It could have to do with the fact that marijuana and vapes are two very widespread substances and youth could see their parents using these substances often. I also think that there have been long-term misconceptions about the safety of using these products. Vapes or e-cigarettes have been marketed as the ‘safer alternative’ to smoking cigarettes, and while that may be true in some ways, safer doesn’t mean safe. Marijuana has been associated with being a “natural” substance and therefore safer to use. It is important to note that though this may have once been the case, this is no longer true. The marijuana being sold in dispensaries today has been genetically modified to be more potent with higher levels of THC concentration that do not occur in nature. This is such an important indicator to consider because we know through research that parent's perception of substance use is a huge factor in preventing youth substance use.  

The perception of availability section of the survey asks youth how easy they think it is to get a particular substance. There was little change in this years survey, with most youth reporting that substances were harder to obtain than in 2022. 30.8% of students said it was ‘very’ or ‘sort of’ easy to get cigarettes. 41.1% said it was ‘very’ or ‘sort of’ easy to get e-cigarettes. 36.3% reported it was easy to get alcohol, and 30.3% said it was easy to get marijuana.  

The perception of harm section asks youth if they think their is a risk associated with using a particular substance. 25% of students said they felt there was ‘no’ or ‘slight risk’ if they used e-cigarettes. Thats a fourth of our kids that believe that is safe to use e-cigarettes. This should scare us, as we know that being addicted to a substance during adolescence is indicative of future substance use, and these e-cigarettes are HIGHLY addictive for youth. Even higher, 30.4% of students reported ‘no’ or ‘slight risk’ if they drank alcohol and 30.5% believed there was ‘no’ or slight risk’ if they smoke marijuana once or twice a week. Our coalition looks at these numbers very closely because these are things we can do something about. We have to consider why these numbers are so high.. Is it because the youth see adults in their lives using these substances and think well they are fine, so I would be too? Or is it because they simply don’t know the effects of substances.. Our education around substance use largely focuses on educating youth on the harms of specific substances. We always tell our students, that we want them to know so that they can make the decision that is best for them.  

A new section on the Missouri Student Survey this year is the resiliency section. These indicators do not pertain specifically to substance use, however I still think they are important to note. 70% of students feel optimistic about the future. To be honest, this statistic scared me. That means that 30% of our kids are not optimistic about their future.. I’m sure that there are a number of factors that play into this including but not limited to poverty, abuse, and neglect. 54.2% of students said they feel they handle stress in a healthy way. This means almost HALF of our kids don’t handle stress in a healthy way. 74.9% of students said they feel they have an adult in their life to turn to when they feel things are overwhelming. The reason that I wanted to mention these statistics, is these are all risk factors for substance use. Stress, no hope in the future, and lack of adults support are all listed as risk factors that we know put kids at a higher risk for turning to substance use.  

So what does it all mean? Realistically, we really haven’t seen much difference in the reporting from the 2022 to the 2024 data. Most indicators have very little change. We know that we need to work on education about the harms of substance use. We know that we need to continue to educate parents on how to have conversations with their children about substance use. What did we learn? We learned that we NEED to teach our kids how to deal with stress in a healthy way. As adults, we may need to reflect on our own behaviors and ensure we are modeling how to deal with stress in a healthy way for our children. I think as a community we also need to really look at what we are doing for the 25% of students who don’t feel they have an adult to turn to. Get involved.. Lunch buddy, mentoring program, CASA, foster grandparents, Boys and Girls Club,  there are so many great organizations that would love to help connect you with youth who need an adult like you. 

The We Can Be Drug Free Coalition plans to use this data to continue our efforts in Butler County and do what we can do empower our youth to live drug free lives. 

Vaping: What We've Learned

As a part of the We Can Be Drug Free Coalition’s effort to decrease the number of youth who vape in our community we recognized the need to talk to the youth and learn more about how and why they are using these products. In March 2024 the coalition staff worked with a local Epidemiologist from Southeast Missouri Behavioral Health’s Prevention Department to conduct a youth focus group to learn more about how and why youth vape. The Focus Group was conducted with ten 7th and 8th grade students right here in Poplar Bluff. We asked youth a variety of questions, but all around the topic of vaping. I have to say, I work in this field. It is not uncommon for me to have conversations weekly with youth about substance use, however even I was surprised by some of the information we learned during this focus group. In this month’s post I am going to share with you some of what we learned from these youth, but if you are interested in reading the entire report from our focus group you can find the final report on our website at www.wecanbedrugfree.org. 

We started the focus group out by letting the youth know that we were talking about all types of e-cigarettes during the session, and that their answers would remain anonymous. Then  we asked the students why kids their age use e-cigarettes? The answers among students varied and included things we expected like peer-pressure and it’s cool. One response stood out to me particularly though, a student shared that most youth vape because they use these products as a “kill switch”. When we asked more of what the youth meant, they shared that these products help you get rid of unwanted thoughts or intrusive thoughts. I think it is so important that we recognize this for exactly what it is. While some students are using these products to “fit in” others are using these substances as a coping mechanism for mental health issues.  

Next, we asked the youth what substances they are vaping, and we really got a variety of answers. Most of the youth responded that youth are using products like nicotine, blank cartridges, or THC Cartridges. Then we asked how the youth knew what they were vaping since they aren’t old enough to purchase these products on their own, and the answer was simple. They said they really don’t know what they are vaping, they will just use whatever they can get their hands on. 

We also talked to the youth about how many people their age vape, and most of them responded that they believed over 40% of the students at their school vape, while some believed it was much higher and others believed it was much lower. We know from the Missouri Student Survey that this is probably an exaggeration, however they are right, a lot of students are using these products. What was more shocking was when we asked the youth about how many adults they think vape. Most participants believed that over 50% of the adults in our community vape. According to national statistics, the number of adults who actually vape is closer to 4.5%. This was a vast difference in the perception of the youth versus the reality of the adults using these products.  

Next, we spoke with the youth about how they are accessing vapes since they are not old enough to buy themselves. There were many answers given including that there are some convenience stores that sell to youth, many students get them from friends or siblings, and we had several youth share that they are getting these products because their parents buy them for them. This was a newer concept to us, however after further exploration we have learned that many parents are purchasing vapes for their children so they can be sure of the substances they are getting. Youth also reported that their parents often vape, and that it would be easy to take a vape that their parents have left just laying around the house. Finally, we talked about a more innovative way the youth are accessing these products. Youth are utilizing social media platforms such as SnapChat and Instagram to purchase these products. Youth reported that there are fake accounts that will add you on social media. These fake accounts will then post pictures or use keywords to inform users of what they are selling, and youth simply swipe up and type their address and these products are then delivered right to their doorstep. 

Youth shared that they are able to continue to use these products while they are at school and at home. At school they mentioned vaping in the bathrooms or showers in the locker rooms. Some shared that students vape in class by blowing the exhaled aerosol into their sleeve. At home the students talked about going outside to use or using while they are in the bathroom with the water for the shower running. 

Finally, we asked the youth how they thought vaping affected their health, and these youth showed that they really knew a lot about the risks of vaping. The youth mentioned things like making anxiety and depression worse as well as the physical impacts that vaping can have on your body and lungs.  

Our coalition was blown away by the amount of information we learned during this focus group. I encourage you, if you have time to read the full report, so you can learn more about how the youth responded to our questions. Overall, here are the top points we gathered that we are committed to educating our community about:  

• Many youth in our community are vaping. 

• Youth are using vapes as a coping mechanism for untreated mental health issues. 

• Youth can easily obtain access to vapes from parents, siblings, convenience stores, and social media websites. 

• Youth have a strong misperception of the number of adults who vape in our community. 

• Youth seem to be more aware of the dangers of vaping than some parents. 

If you are a parent, I would encourage you to read the report and use these facts to have important conversations with your child. Talk to your child about the dangers of vaping and why it is important to you that they don’t vape. Make your expectations around vape usage and possession clear, and make sure that your child knows the consequences of using or possessing e-cigarettes. I also think we need to work together as a community to set a positive example for our youth. We can do this through conversations about why we choose not to vape as adults and teaching them healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with mental health issues.  

The We Can Be Drug Free Coalition recognizes that we have a lot of work to do when it comes to youth vaping in our community. We are committed to continuing to gather information, identify issues, and work to actively solve these issues by implementing evidence-based prevention strategies in our community. Want to help? Visit our website to learn more about what you can do to get involved today. 

Vaping: Let's Talk About It

Vaping has become a hot topic among youth and parents of teens over the past 10 years. Vaping has been referred to as an “epidemic” among our youth, and the number of teens who report using these products is staggering. This month we are going to address the harms of vaping.  Members of the We Can Be Drug Free Coalition recognize that vaping is a huge problem among our youth and are committed to educating parents and students about the dangers of these products. We are working with local school districts, youth serving organizations, and community members to address this problem and reduce the number of youth vaping in our community. 

Most people refer to e-cigarette use as vaping, however that name can be extremely deceiving. In this blog we will continue to refer to the issue at hand as “vaping”, as it is most commonly called, however we are really talking about electronic cigarette use. This means all types of e-cigarettes including but not limited to cigalikes, pod vapes, vape pens, vape mods, and mechanical mods. Youth mostly refer to these various products as “vapes”, which insinuates that the products are emitting a vapor, which is actually not true at all. The gas emitted from e-cigarettes is not actually a vapor, instead it is an aerosol, because it contains tiny particles of various chemicals and other things including but not limited to diacetyl and other flavorings, nicotine, heavy metals such as nickel tin or lead, cancer causing chemicals, and volatile organic compounds. Sound safe? E-Cigarettes or vapes have been marketed as the safer alternative to smoking cigarettes by society, however we need to recognize the fact that safer doesn’t mean safe. Also, I think it's important to mention that we do not know the long-term effects of vape usage since these products have only been popular for the last 10-12 years. With the introduction of vapes we have seen a huge decline in the amount of cigarette use among youth, however the number of youth who report using vapes has skyrocketed over the last 10 years.  

E-Cigarette use is not safe for anyone, however these types of products pose a much greater risk to youth. We have talked about in some of my previous blogs how the effects of substances on the brain differ for a fully developed adult brain vs. The still developing brain of an adolescent, and this concept still applies to vaping. Youth are much more susceptible to addiction because their brains aren’t fully developed. Nicotine use among youth also changes the way that connections are made in their brains can affect the parts of the brain that control attention, learning, mood, and impulse control. E-Cigarette use is only legal for adults age 21 and over in the state of Missouri. This brings up another potential harm as most youth are obtaining vapes illegally, which means they don’t really know what the vape has in it. These vapes could contain blank cartridges, nicotine, THC products, or other more dangerous substances. 

Vapes come in all shapes and sizes. Some are small and can be easily hidden or disguised to look like other products such as apple watches, highlighters, USB drives, and even sweatshirt or backpack strings. Some vapes also have little smell or don’t produce enough aerosol to be seen while using. This makes these products extremely dangerous because they can be used virtually anywhere anytime. Unlike regular cigarettes where it was difficult to hide, these products are so easily accessible and user friendly that it allows the user to use more often, which can lead to a higher level of nicotine addiction. It is important to recognize that these products are extremely addictive, and if your teen is using they may need help quitting. There are lots of quitting resources available, which I will include at the bottom of this post. You may also consider seeking help from your child’s doctor or behavioral healthcare provider. 

Need to know more? See the resources below to learn more about the dangers of vaping for youth, and what you can do to protect your child. Also, stay tuned for next month’s blog post. Next month we will talk about the results of our 2024 Youth Focus Group about e-cigarette use. 

Protecting Youth From the Harms of Vaping | Smoking and Tobacco Use | CDC 

Why Youth Vape | Smoking and Tobacco Use | CDC 

E-Cigarette Use Among Youth | Smoking and Tobacco Use | CDC 

Resources to Help Youth Reject or Quit Vaping | Smoking and Tobacco Use | CDC 

MyLifeMyQuit.com 

I Want to Quit Tobacco | Health & Senior Services (mo.gov) 

Protective Factor: Adequate Household Income

Today, everything seems to be more expensive than ever. We’ve seen a huge increase in prices at the grocery store over the past few years, and for most families, we are beginning to feel the impact of these changes on our finances at home. This month, we will address adequate household income, a protective factor for youth substance use. As we have discussed before, protective factors are factors present in youth’s lives that make them less likely to use substances. Research tells us that growing up in a home with an adequate household income puts our children at a lower risk for using substances.  

Let’s start by talking about the why. I feel like this is such a complex issue and emotional issue for so many parents because most are truly doing their best, and still sometimes struggle financially. Often, when families are struggling financially this stress is felt in multiple ways in the family. The inability to afford quality childcare or a single mom having to work a 2nd part time job are both situations that could lead to children spending more time unsupervised, which we know is a risk factor for substance use from our previous blogs. Children who are left unsupervised also often struggle with academics because there is no one at home to help them with their homework or make sure they study for their math test, and we also know that struggling academically is another risk factor for substance use. Perhaps in some families supervision isn’t an issue, but the income restrictions prevent the children of the family from being involved in extracurricular activities or being involved with school. Inadequate income also places stress on the parents which could lead to family conflict and/or parental substance use, which are also risk factors for substance use.  

So, what can we do about it? I want to remind you of the concept that these risk and protective factors are predictive not prescriptive. That means that just because a child has a lot of risk factors for substance use, doesn’t mean they will use substances. Also, what we can predict, we can prevent. Most children and families have some risk factors for substance use, and there are risk factors that we can’t change for our children, even if we would like to. So, what can you do? You can work as a parent to increase the protective factors in your child’s life. Adequate income may be attainable through schooling, certificate programs, or trade school. Explore your options and remember it’s okay to put yourself first for a little while if it will help better the life of your family in the long run. However, having adequate income may not be attainable for you right now, and that is okay. There are still things you can do to help protect your children, without letting your financial situation get in the way. I encourage you to explore what ways you can increase protective factors in your child’s life, and it may take some creativity with limited finances, but it is possible! Check out after school programs like Boys and Girls Club or the Wheatley Tutoring Program. These are both programs that provide a safe place for your child to go while you are at work, and they offer help with homework, tutoring, and even teach skills! You can’t afford to put your child in gymnastics classes? That’s okay! Let them try something else like joining the local 4H club or playing in a public soccer or baseball league. Maybe they could join a school club that interests them or a church youth group... These are all much more inexpensive options that will still allow your child to learn skills, find opportunities to belong, make friends, and find positive role models. If your child is struggling in school, there are lots of free options to get them the help they need without having to hire a private tutor. Talk to your child’s teacher to see if the school offers any tutoring and check out the local Library, who may offer free tutoring too! Another protective factor that doesn’t cost anything is teaching your child new skills. As an adult, you know how to do lots of things that your child may not know yet. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, budgeting, working on cars, couponing, and so many more. These are all skills you could teach your child for free! You may even find that by teaching them these skills you can pass off some household responsibilities and decrease your stress level in the home. If you are a parent to a teenager, you can also encourage your child to get a part time job! This may help alleviate some of your stress as they begin to be able to pay for some things on their own, and they are also gaining valuable life skills they will need after they leave your home.  

In summary, adequate household income is a protective factor for many reasons. If adequate income is something your family struggles with there are many things you can do as a parent to increase the protective factors in your child’s life to help protect them from substance use. Adulting is hard, and parenting can be messy. Remember to give yourself grace, and that it is okay to just do the best you can.  Today, everything seems to be more expensive than ever. We’ve seen a huge increase in prices at the grocery store over the past few years, and for most families, we are beginning to feel the impact of these changes on our finances at home. This month, we will address adequate household income, a protective factor for youth substance use. As we have discussed before, protective factors are factors present in youth’s lives that make them less likely to use substances. Research tells us that growing up in a home with an adequate household income puts our children at a lower risk for using substances.  

Let’s start by talking about the why. I feel like this is such a complex issue and emotional issue for so many parents because most are truly doing their best, and still sometimes struggle financially. Often, when families are struggling financially this stress is felt in multiple ways in the family. The inability to afford quality childcare or a single mom having to work a 2nd part time job are both situations that could lead to children spending more time unsupervised, which we know is a risk factor for substance use from our previous blogs. Children who are left unsupervised also often struggle with academics because there is no one at home to help them with their homework or make sure they study for their math test, and we also know that struggling academically is another risk factor for substance use. Perhaps in some families supervision isn’t an issue, but the income restrictions prevent the children of the family from being involved in extracurricular activities or being involved with school. Inadequate income also places stress on the parents which could lead to family conflict and/or parental substance use, which are also risk factors for substance use.  

So, what can we do about it? I want to remind you of the concept that these risk and protective factors are predictive not prescriptive. That means that just because a child has a lot of risk factors for substance use, doesn’t mean they will use substances. Also, what we can predict, we can prevent. Most children and families have some risk factors for substance use, and there are risk factors that we can’t change for our children, even if we would like to. So, what can you do? You can work as a parent to increase the protective factors in your child’s life. Adequate income may be attainable through schooling, certificate programs, or trade school. Explore your options and remember it’s okay to put yourself first for a little while if it will help better the life of your family in the long run. However, having adequate income may not be attainable for you right now, and that is okay. There are still things you can do to help protect your children, without letting your financial situation get in the way. I encourage you to explore what ways you can increase protective factors in your child’s life, and it may take some creativity with limited finances, but it is possible! Check out after school programs like Boys and Girls Club or the Wheatley Tutoring Program. These are both programs that provide a safe place for your child to go while you are at work, and they offer help with homework, tutoring, and even teach skills! You can’t afford to put your child in gymnastics classes? That’s okay! Let them try something else like joining the local 4H club or playing in a public soccer or baseball league. Maybe they could join a school club that interests them or a church youth group... These are all much more inexpensive options that will still allow your child to learn skills, find opportunities to belong, make friends, and find positive role models. If your child is struggling in school, there are lots of free options to get them the help they need without having to hire a private tutor. Talk to your child’s teacher to see if the school offers any tutoring and check out the local Library, who may offer free tutoring too! Another protective factor that doesn’t cost anything is teaching your child new skills. As an adult, you know how to do lots of things that your child may not know yet. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, budgeting, working on cars, couponing, and so many more. These are all skills you could teach your child for free! You may even find that by teaching them these skills you can pass off some household responsibilities and decrease your stress level in the home. If you are a parent to a teenager, you can also encourage your child to get a part time job! This may help alleviate some of your stress as they begin to be able to pay for some things on their own, and they are also gaining valuable life skills they will need after they leave your home.  

In summary, adequate household income is a protective factor for many reasons. If adequate income is something your family struggles with there are many things you can do as a parent to increase the protective factors in your child’s life to help protect them from substance use. Adulting is hard, and parenting can be messy. Remember to give yourself grace, and that it is okay to just do the best you can.  

Risk Factor: Media Portrayal of Substance Use

Recently, the We Can Be Drug Free Coalition staff conducted a Focus Group with ten students who are currently in the 7th and 8th Grade in Poplar Bluff. The findings from this Focus Group were insightful, and the staff learned a lot about how the youth perceive substance use. One of the questions we asked the youth during this Focus Group was “How many adults vape in Poplar Bluff?” Over half of the participants in the focus group shared that they believed that over 50 -60% of adults in Poplar Bluff vape. A 2021 study published by the CDC shares that the percentage of adults over 18 who currently vape is actually 4.5%. Products - Data Briefs - Number 475 - July 2023 (cdc.gov) This was shocking to our staff and coalition because of the VAST difference in how youth think that so many more people vape than actually do. This has brought up some great conversation among our coalition about how and why this misconception has come to be and what we can do to change it. That brings us to this month’s risk factor, which is the media portrayal of substance use.  

During our Life Skills classes with High School students, we do an activity with the kids by choosing a popular song off the radio and having them listen and highlight every reference to substance use in a copy of the lyrics. The kids are always shocked to see just how many references a popular song has to using substances. I challenge you, tonight when you are watching your favorite show, count how many references there are to drugs or alcohol throughout the show. I think you will be surprised to find that these references are so prevalent among the media we consume that most of the time we don’t even notice them anymore.  As adults, our brains are fully developed, and we can rationally think about these television shows and songs on the radio and know that even though it may seem that everyone is using substances, that is not true. However, for many young people, their brains have not yet developed this skill. So, when they see all the adults on TV going to the bar and drinking after work, in their minds, this has become a reality for them, and this must be what all adults do. 

It is easy to see in today’s culture how the media plays such a vital role in portraying substance use and how it is often overemphasized and does not paint a realistic picture of how many adults use substances. So, what can we do about it? Ultimately the very best thing we can do for our children is to talk to them about the realities of substance use and set a good example by creating positive norms in our household. It is important that we monitor our children’s media intake. Whether that be movies, tv shows, music, social media, or video games, we should be monitoring what our children are watching and listening to. Even if they don’t realize it the media portrayals are shaping their world view and perception of substance use, and these perceptions will most likely follow them into their own adulthood. As your child gets older and into the teenage years, it may seem to be too much to monitor their media usage, and at this point it is important to talk to your children about how the media can often portray things that aren’t realistic. Give them examples as you watch adult shows together and open the lines of communication to talk about what is and isn’t normal when it comes to substance use. Creating positive norms in our household is perhaps one of the most impactful things we can do as parents to prevent substance use with our children. When I say “norms” I am referring to what our kids grow up thinking is normal behavior. For example, if every night at the dinner table one parent drinks beer with their dinner that becomes the child’s “norm” and contributes to their belief system in what is acceptable behavior for an adult. If every night at the dinner table the parents drink sweet tea with their dinner, then the child will develop a different “norm”. Now, with that said, I want to mention that this is not a blog devoted to preventing adult substance use, and ultimately adults are entitled to their own opinions when it comes to making decisions about their own substance use. I am simply trying to use this point to illustrate the effect that parental substance use could potentially have on our children, even when it isn’t intentional.  

In summary, the media surrounds our children and families in today’s world where technology is so deeply integrated in our lives. As parents and caregivers, it is important to be mindful of how the media can shape our children’s perceptions about the realities of substance use. We must work with our children to communicate these realities and help them develop healthy beliefs and “norms” and behaviors when it comes to substance use.  

Protective Factor: Understanding of self and others’ emotions (EARLY CHILDHOOD)

Generally, when we talk about protecting youth from substance use we think about Middle School, Junior High, and High School students. We usually focus on this population specifically, because research tells us that these students are the ones having to make decisions about if they should or shouldn’t use substances. Today’s protective factor though is going to focus on young children between the ages of birth – 6 years old.  

This month we are going to focus on the protective factor of understanding self and others’ emotions. Remember, a protective factor is a factor present in a child’s life that makes it less likely they will use substances. I feel like learning to understand emotions of ourselves and others is something that we spend our entire lives doing, but it is also something that begins very early in life. Just like many of the other protective factors we have talked about this is a skill that needs to be taught, learned, and practiced in order for a child to be able to apply the skill in everyday life. I’m sure you can think of someone in your own life who perhaps struggles with understanding others’ emotions. Think about how that lack of empathy and understanding can make their life harder. It is crucial to be able to understand our own and others’ emotions to work with a group, have healthy relationships, and develop friendships. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when people who struggle with emotional understanding also struggle with these areas.  

As I said earlier, understanding self and others’ emotions is something that we work on our entire lives, but it begins in our early childhood years. By taking the time to explicitly teach our young children this skill and help them develop the skill as they grow we are able to prepare them for situations and relationships they will have later in life. So how do we do this? How do we teach our children to understand their own and others emotions. Let’s start with self. If you’ve ever been around young children for an extended period of time, you have most likely seen some kind of tantrum or emotional breakdown. Oftentimes, when children are this young that is because they do not know how to express their emotions in any other way, so they resort to what they do know which may include kicking, yelling, crying, or screaming. The best thing we can do for children when they are beginning to deal with emotions is to teach them how to verbalize what they are feeling. They know they are feeling overwhelmed, however they don’t know the word for it. So, we can ask our children what they are feeling, listen to what they have to say, then help give them the words to explain the emotion. This might go something life:  

Parent- “Can you tell me what your feeling?” 

Child- “I am trying to zip my jacket, but it won’t zip!” 

Parent- “I understand, you are getting frustrated because you are having trouble getting your jacket zipped. Can you say frustrated?” 

Child- “Frustrated.” 

Parent- “Now, let’s try this repeat after me-- ‘Mommy, I am frustrated because I can’t zip my jacket, can you help?’ 

Child- “Mommy, I am frustrated because I can’t zip my jacket, can you help?” 

Parent- “Well sure! I would be happy to help.” 

This may seem silly, and I know that in the rush of parenting it would be easier to just zip the jacket and not have this whole conversation, however it is important that we teach our kids how to verbalize what they are feeling so they can learn to express their emotions in a healthy manner. When it comes to humans, emotions will be expressed one way or another, but it is up to us as parents and caregivers to guide our children to express their emotions in a way that is healthy and meaningful.  

Next, let’s talk about understanding others’ emotions. This can perhaps be more challenging for children at a young age. However, we know from Piaget’s stages of child development that this is completely normal. Children tend to be egocentric while they are in the preoperational stage (ages 2-7). This is a natural part of development, so it is extra important for us to begin working with children in this stage to understand the emotions of others. You may need to start by teaching your child the words for emotions like sad, mad, angry, happy, etc. Then you could even use picture cards and have the child practice what emotion is being shown on various faces. This helps them learn to associate body language and facial expressions with emotions, which is an important part of learning how to understand others’ emotions. As your child grows a little older, I encourage you to look for teachable moments in life. For example, a few weeks ago we were at the store and there was a child near the toy isle that was very loudly crying and yelling at his grandmother. My child immediately looked at me wide-eyed and asked why that child was yelling like that. I responded to my child with a question, “What do you think that child was feeling that was causing them to act that way?” He immediately responded with “I bet he wanted a toy and his grandma said no.” Our conversation then continued and I asked my child to recall a time he had felt that same way. He did, then we talked about what you should do in that situation and how would be the appropriate way to express your emotions. This is a small example, however it is a real situation that happened in our lives that I was able to use as a ‘teachable moment’ to talk to my son and help him understand another child’s emotions. These conversations don’t have to be fancy, however as long as we continue to have them we are helping our children learn and practice the skill of understanding others’ emotions.  

This topic is such an important one, and I feel as this blog has only scratched the surface. If you have a young child, I encourage you to do your research and learn all you can to help your child understand their own and others’ emotions. I am including some links that may help you get started in your research. 

How to help kids understand and manage their emotions (apa.org) 

How to Teach Kids About Emotions | Psychology Today 

How to Help Your Kid Understand and Express Emotions | Psych Central 

Responsibility

Protective Factor: Responsibility 

I think it is safe to say that we can all agree that responsibilities are a part of life. Even if sometimes we wish we had less responsibility, it doesn’t change the fact that as adults there are just things we have to do. I often think back to my childhood and teenage years and think about how great life was, when my biggest worry was what I was going to wear to school or what my me and my friends were going to do for fun. Today we are going to be talking about how responsibility is actually a protective factor for substance use.  

Teaching youth responsibility is so important for many reasons and is connected to many of the other protective factors we have discussed in past months. As youth enter their teenage years it is essential that they begin to learn responsibility in preparation for adulthood and leaving home. Teaching responsibility is actually something that we can and should begin to teach in Early Childhood. We talked briefly last month about how important it is for youth to learn skills before the leave home, because if they don’t it can make the transition to college life even more difficult and overwhelming for them. If we wait until the teenage or late teenage years to begin teaching our children responsibility, it is likely that we will find there is too much to teach and not enough time to make sure our children can learn all the skills they need without becoming overwhelmed and frustrated, which could potentially weaken the family bonds.  

Responsibility is going to look different for every child at every age. For example, a child in their toddler years may begin to learn responsibility by learning to throw away their trash when they are done with a snack, pick up their toys when they are done playing, or even learning to dress themselves. As children grow older and they have mastered these responsibilities, then it is time to add new ones to work on. A 5 year old child may learn how to brush their own teeth, feed a pet, help unload the groceries, or water the plants. A 10 year old child may have responsibilities such as helping set the table and prepare the meals, taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, and putting away or helping with laundry. A 15 year old may have responsibilities such as yardwork, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and possibly even a part-time job.  

It is important to remember that all of these responsibilities are skills that we must teach our children and give them a chance to master the skills before expecting them to complete the tasks independently. If we add in too many things at once our children could become overwhelmed and feel like giving up. When introducing a new responsibility to your child always explain why it is important that they learn that skill and how they will use it in their everyday life. Talk to your child about how they are growing older and tell them you are proud of them for all the responsibilities they manage. This will help your child see this responsibility as a part of growing and maturing, not as a form of punishment. 

So why is responsibility a protective factor? Responsibility provides accountability for youth. Responsibility also gives youth a sense of purpose and belonging in a family. Teaching responsibility from a young age helps prepare youth for life outside the home and ensures they have the skills they need to be successful in life. Responsibility also teaches youth how to prioritize their time, money, and efforts. As parents, we often feel tired and overwhelmed managing all the responsibilities that come with working, adulting, and especially parenting. You may find that as you work with your child to teach them responsibility it may also lessen your load and give you more time to focus on things you enjoy, which can in turn help strengthen the family bonds. Not sure where to start? Think about your child’s day from the time they wake up until the time they go to sleep. Make a list. What things do they do? What things are done for them? Are there any of the tasks you do that they could begin to take over or learn more about? Once you have a list of age-appropriate responsibilities for your child, it is time to prioritize. Decide which responsibility you would like your child to master first, then once they have mastered that responsibility move on in your list to the next one. You can keep doing this until your child has mastered all the things you had written, and most likely by that time you will begin to see other responsibilities that your child could begin to work on because you will see the growth that has come with having responsibility in the home.  

Risk Factor: Attending College

College. Many of the youth I work with associate this word with one thing, FREEDOM. It may not come as a surprise to you that attending college is a risk factor for youth substance use. Of course, there are obvious reasons like the lack of adult supervision and changes in expectations. There may be some other reasons that contribute to youth using substances that you may not have thought about. You may feel that as a parent or caregiver that there isn’t anything you can do about it since they are no longer living with you, but we are going to discuss strategies you can implement and other protective factors that may help you protect your child against youth substance use.  

Let’s begin by talking about the reasons many college students are at a higher risk for using substances. The first and possibly most obvious reason is the lack of adult supervision. Especially for youth who come from a household with lots of parental monitoring, the newfound freedom of living on their own may cause some youth to go a little too far. The expectations of parents or caregivers are no longer being monitored, and it may seem to the youth that there are no longer any consequences of not following their parents’ expectations.  Another reason is that college can be extremely stressful. Many youths may find the academic portion or the responsibilities that come with living on your own to be extremely overwhelming. Often, this stress and overwhelming feeling can cause youth to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and lead to substance use. Another risk factor that comes into play when youth attend college is having friends who use substances. When youth go to college, they are often forced to make new friends and may feel the need to use substances to ‘fit in’ with a new crowd. It is possible that using alcohol and other drugs may become the norm of the people they are around, and we know that these norms can also put them at a greater risk for using substances. 

Now that we have established many of the reasons that going to college may put youth at a higher risk for using substances. Let’s talk about what you can do about it as a parent. It may seem like you have lost control and there isn’t much you can do once your child is out of the home, but as a parent there are things you can do. The most important work you can do to prevent youth substance use in college occurs before they leave home. You aren’t going to be there to monitor your child’s behavior while they are away at college, so your expectations may have to shift. We know that a crucial part of effective family management is not only having expectations, but also being able to monitor the behavior to see if those expectations are being met. Since you will no longer be able to monitor the expectations like coming home at curfew or checking their room for substances, you may find that you have to shift your expectations to things you can measure. Instead of the expectation being no drinking allowed, the expectation may shift for a college student to passing all their classes that semester. This is when the important conversation can come into play with your child. Talk to your child and explain to them that just because there is no longer a parental given consequence for staying out all night, there is still a consequence to that behavior. Talk to your child about how that consequence might play out like not making it to class on time or not being well rested for an exam. Then, reinforce to your child that your expectation is that they pass all of their classes that semester. You can monitor this expectation by asking your child for a copy of their grades once they are posted.  

Let’s talk about stress. College can be stressful for lots of reasons. The overwhelming workload, hard classes, learning to balance work and free time, learning the responsibility of living on your own, working a job, financial stress.. I could go on, but basically we know that the transition of going to college can ultimately be very stressful for youth and stress can lead to substance use. Here are a few things you can do to help your child manage the stress that comes with college. There are two things you can do to help your child before they ever leave home. The first is to teach them skills. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, budgeting, waking up on time, studying, time management, working, and even relaxing are all skills necessary for your child to be successful when they are away at college. These are also all skills that they can learn before they ever leave to go to college. Think about it, if a child doesn’t know how to do laundry, then they are going to have to spend time learning how to do it once they go away at school instead of focusing on studying for an exam. As parents we need to teach our children all these different skills and give them a chance to practice these skills BEFORE they leave for college. This gives them a chance to learn, make mistakes, and ask questions before they leave the safety net of home. The other thing we can do is to make sure our children have healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress. We can’t prevent our children from dealing with stress in their lives, however we can teach them how to cope with it in a healthy way. Stress management can look different for different people, so it is important to help your child find what works for them. Exercising, meditating, reading, hanging out with friends, shopping, fishing, hiking... there are so many healthy ways to reduce the stress in our lives and it’s important that our children know what to do to reduce the stress they are feeling. We’ve talked about a few things you can do before your child leaves home, but what can you do when they are at college and dealing with stress? We can offer support. Whether it be through phone calls, text messages, sending care packages, or going for a weekend visit, there are lots of things we can do to show our children that we support them and that they are loved.  

The last risk factor that we are going to address today is having friends that use substances and societal norms. Though it may not be possible for you as a parent to change the societal norms of college life, it is possible for you to establish strong positive norms with your child before they ever leave to go to college. If your child comes from a home, where using alcohol is not the norm, they will remember this, even if it seems like everyone is using alcohol when they are at college. Also, talk to your child, tell them your concerns and encourage them to find activities to join in college that they enjoy so they are able to meet new people in a safe way where they don’t feel they need to use substances to ‘fit in’. 

In summary, going away to college is a big transition for many youth, and this transition does put them at a higher risk for using substances. For parents and caregivers this transition can be frightening as we all want our children healthy and safe. It is important to think about these transitions and begin planning for them long before they happen to help prepare our children the best we can. At the end of the day college and the freedom that comes with it is a great experience for many youth, and we just want to make sure we are securing protective factors in our children’s lives to prevent the harms of youth substance use. 

Protective Factor: Extended Family Support

This month’s protective factor is extended family support. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “it takes a village” to raise kids, and if you’ve been a parent for very long you know this is absolutely true. However, when it comes to that “village” some families are more fortunate than others. This month we are going to talk about how having extended family support is a protective factor for your child against youth substance use, and what you can do about it if you do not have these kinds of supports.  

Let’s start with the why.. Having the support of extended family is a protective factor for so many reasons and it is strongly correlated with many of the other risk and protective factors we have talked about in the previous months. One reason having the support of extended family is a protective factor is they can help you watch the kids! A couple of months ago we had an entire blog post focused on how lack of adult supervision is a risk factor for substance use. Having the support of extended family can help negate this risk factor simply because they can be there to supervise your kids when you can’t. Family can also help provide your children with more strong bonds, which also prevents against substance use. Also, let’s face it, there comes a time during parenthood when it doesn’t matter what you say to your child, they simply can’t believe it because you’re the one saying it. This can be a great opportunity for trust extended family members to step in and have conversations with your child, and coming from someone else, they may be more inclined to listen. We can also go back to the protective factor of learning new skills, and this can be a great place for extended family to come in as well! I’ll never forget my grandmother teaching me how to crochet and my uncle teaching me how to drive a stick-shift. Most likely there are skills that many of your extended family members would love to share with your children! Finally, sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is take a break. Parenting is overwhelming and can be exhausting at times. When you are able to rely on the support of extended family members to refill your own cup, you will be able to be a better parent to your children.  

I am well aware that not everyone has the support of extended family. Maybe you don’t live near family, or maybe you’ve decided it is best for you and your children to not have the extended family as a part of your lives. Just because you don’t have the support of extended family does not mean that you cannot create this type of community for your children. When I think about the lives of my own children, some of the most influential adults in their lives are not related by blood, they are simply friends who have turned into family. So if you don’t have a “village” I encourage you to find one. This may be friends, neighbors, church members, or even parents of your children’s friends. This type of support is a protective factor against youth substance use, and you may just find that it improves your own life as well.  

Protective Factor: School Attendance

I hope you all enjoyed a wonderful holiday season, and have many great hopes and aspirations for the New Year. The winter months are always a wonderful time to celebrate with family, and unfortunately also a great time to share all the illnesses floating around during this time of year. That brings us to our topic for this month, School Attendance. Good School Attendance is a protective factor that puts youth at a lower risk of using substances. This month we are going to talk about why good school attendance is so important, when it is appropriate to miss school, and what you can do to help your child if they have to miss school. 

School Attendance is important for many reasons. There is a direct correlation between school attendance and school performance, which is also a protective factor for substance use. Basically, kids need to be in school so they can learn what they need to learn. When kids have to miss school for any reasons it is very easy to fall behind quickly, and often they are left to do the learning on their own when they miss the lessons, which can be very difficult to do. It may seem like missing one day of school isn’t that big of a deal, but think about it, when a child misses even one day of school they miss a math lesson, a reading lesson, a science lesson, a history lesson, and often they miss out on conversation about upcoming assignments and tests. Also, when children aren’t at school many times it means they are left unsupervised while their parents are at work. We know from last month’s blog that the lack of adult supervision also puts them at a higher risk for substance use. 

Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes our children need to miss school because they are sick. While school attendance remains a priority, we also want to mention that it is important not to send your child to school if they are sick. Most schools have an illness policy listed in their school handbook, you should refer to this if you are unsure if your child should attend school or not. If your child is recovering from an illness and no longer running a fever, but still coughing, check with your child’s teacher to see if you could send in a water bottle so they could get in a drink more often. Most teachers are happy to provide accommodation for children who may not be feeling 100% but are not sick enough to stay home from school. 

If your child does have to miss school for an illness or another personal matter, there are some things you can do as a parent to help make sure their absence doesn’t create any issues for them in the future. First of all, call your child’s school and let them know they will not be there and why. Next, if they are going to be gone for more than 1 day or if the absence is planned ahead of time, call your child’s teacher to request their schoolwork they will be missing during the absence. This will help your child be able to stay caught up. It is also important to remember that if a teacher sends work home with your child it is YOUR responsibility as the parent to help them complete that work. It is very likely that they may miss that day’s lesson and not know how to complete some of the work independently, so when the child misses school it may be up to you to teach them the skills needed in order to complete the work. Now, I understand that if your child is a High School Student in Chemistry or Calculus, you may not be able to help teach them the skills they are missing in class. If this is the case, have your child work with the teacher to ask if they could make arrangements for a one on one session to receive any lessons they are missing.  

In summary, our children NEED to be in school. It is our job as parents to encourage good school attendance and make sure our children stay caught up in the case they need to miss school. We can also work to schedule vacations or non-urgent appointments on days when the child is already out of school to ensure they don’t miss any learning. Let’s work together to keep our kids healthy and prevent youth substance use. 

Adult Supervision

Risk Factor: Lack of Adult Supervision 

I hope this post finds you and your family well during this holiday season. We are going to focus on a Risk Factor for substance use today, and that risk factor is the lack of adult supervision. Just to recap, a risk factor is a factor present in a youth’s life that makes it more likely they will use substances. Today’s risk factor may seem like it should be common sense, but I encourage you to keep reading even if you think this isn’t a factor in your household, because there may be some areas that you haven’t considered.  

I’m sure if you think back to your own growing up years many of you can think of various situations you were in that probably weren’t the safest. For many of us these situations took place when we were in a situation where there was little or no adult supervision. The fact that you were in those situations definitely didn’t mean your parents were bad parents, but times were different before the age of cell phones and social media. Let’s face it, our kids live in a different world today, which can be both good and bad, so let’s talk about how adult supervision has changed and what we can do as parents and caregivers to protect our children. 

1. Physical Supervision- This category is a tale as old as time. When kids are left together, and no parents or adults are around to supervise they sometimes hormones and impulsivity take over and they don’t always make the best decisions. Life happens though, and it isn’t always easy to make sure our children are supervised all the time, especially in households with working parents. If your child is going to be riding the bus home from school and coming home to an empty house everyday I encourage you to invest in a home security system or outdoor cameras. You could use these systems to ensure that your child is arriving home safely, and monitor if your child is alone or if there are others with them. Surprise visits are also a great strategy to monitor your child’s behavior. If your going to be working all day on a Saturday and your child will be left at home unsupervised, talk to your supervisor and see if you can change up your lunch hour or break times to allow you to run home and check in on the kiddos at home, but don’t tell the kids what time you will be checking in. This gives you the element of surprise and allows you to see what is truly going on in your home. Another idea is to use Facetime, instead of just a regular phone call or text message to check in on your child. You could use this as a tool to scan the environment. If you are concerned about your child’s behavior or lack of supervision see if you can find a trusted friend or family member to supervise your children while you are away.  

1. Electronic Supervision- I’m going to use a broad term and refer to this category as electronic supervision because it encompasses so many devices that our children now have access to. In this category I am referring to cell phones, tablets, iPads, video games, computers, and basically any device that has messaging capabilities or internet access. Luckily for our parents, this wasn’t an issue when we were growing up, so learning how to supervise your children across their electronic devices has been a learning curve for parents and has sparked a lot of controversy. The bottom line is social media and these devices are a huge part of our children’s lives, they put our children at risk for all sorts of dangers and it is important that we find a way to effectively supervise our children’s electronic device usage. I’ve talked to lots of parents and have heard a lot of different ideas about HOW to monitor your child’s device usage including but not limited to reading their messages, befriending them on social media, putting away laundry while they play video games, and soo many more. I feel that in this situation you have to find what really works for you and your child, and remember they are SMART! Kids are likely to outsmart us when it comes to technology and ways to hide what they are doing, so what I am going to encourage you to do may be a little different than you expect. I encourage you to schedule non screen-time for your kids. This means schedule time in their day or night where they are doing something besides looking at any kind of electronic device. Maybe this means no phones at the dinner table, leaving their phone on the kitchen counter after 8 p.m., going outside to play basketball as a family in the evening and phones staying inside, or even making a charging station in a common area where all phones and devices are kept to be charged. We may not be able to watch every move our children make when they are using electronics, but we can make sure they are getting breaks from those devices. My next tip is to talk to your kids about the dangers of the internet. Talk to them about how what they put out into the internet can never truly be taken back, how people’s lives can be changed because of one comment or picture, and how there are people out there that do not have their best interests at heart and could potentially target them. I know that supervising electronic usage isn’t easy, but it is just as important as physically supervising our children.  

In summary, lack of adult supervision is a risk factor for many reasons. When children are left with little or no supervision they may be more likely to make poor choices or engage in risky behaviors. Social media and electronic usage could also play a role in putting our kids at a higher risk for substance use, so its important to monitor and limit device usage the best we can. If you are struggling to find ways to effectively supervise your children, I encourage you to talk to other parents. They may have ideas you haven’t thought about! I also feel like I have to mention that it is very important to remember when thinking about effective supervision, that we want to supervise our children in ways that don’t break down the bonds we have worked so hard to establish. It may seem like a fine line between providing enough supervision and making your child feel like you don’t trust them, so make sure to keep the lines of communication open! 

Making Friends with Peers

Friends. Sometimes we are closer to our friends than our family, and sometimes we have friends that become family! Friends can provide companionship, guidance, fun, and meaningful relationships. It is important for us to recognize that friends play an important and meaningful role in our lives. The same goes for our kids! This month we are going to dive into a protective factor that is making friends with peers.  

I used to be a First Grade Teacher, and I always said that I did just as much teaching kids how to go to school as I did teaching math and reading. As a part of teaching them how to go to school, I often had conversations with young children about how to be a friend and how to treat our friends. This is something that seems to come naturally to some children, while others struggle with this concept. It is important that we teach our children how to be a friend when they are young so they can develop healthy friendships that will last them into adulthood. Here are a few tips to help your child learn how to build friendships with their peers based off my experience in the school setting.  

To get a friend, you must be a friend.  

It is important that we teach our kids how to be a friend to someone. This starts at home by teaching them how to be kind, honest, and thoughtful of other humans. 

Teach your child how to solve conflicts. 

We know that anytime humans are interacting with each other there is going to eventually be conflict. We all have thoughts and feelings that can lead to disagreements. It is important for children to know how to handle these conflicts in a way that won’t damage the bonds in their friendships. We can work with children on how to solve conflicts by teaching them to express their feelings in a polite and assertive manner. We can also teach our children how to compromise or recognize when they need to take a break from the situation.  

Give kids the opportunity to practice. 

We can’t expect our kids to know how to be a friend if they have never been around their peers! Give your kids a chance to meet and befriend other children their age. This could be through playdates, church group, pre-school, or even just going to the park. Be there with them to monitor the conversation and make suggestions. You may have to start by helping them introduce themselves, then intervening to help children work through any conflict that may arise.  

Teach your child how to set boundaries. 

Boundaries are helpful and necessary in all relationships, especially friendships. It is important that we teach our children how they should and shouldn’t be treated, and that we explain to our children that they do not have to continue to take part in a relationship where they are not being treated the way they should. We also need to make sure they know what to do when they are not being treated with respect in a friendship. This may look like teaching them to stand up for themselves, how to go find someone else to play with, and could mean teaching them when to ask an adult for help. Teaching them these skills through friendships when they are young will help prepare them for other types of relationships as they get older.  

As children get older friendships can become a complex issue, especially if we are concerned about the behavior of our children’s friends. It is important to remember that friendships are a protective factor. Friendships are a protective factor for many reasons. Friendships provide our children with practice in building healthy relationships, and also teach them skills to identify unhealthy relationships. Friendships can protect our children from substance use because it is often easier to say no as a group than it is by yourself. They also give our kids positive experiences and a better way to spend time than using substances. Friends can also add joy to our lives and prevent feelings of loneliness or depression. As our children get older it is important that we make an effort to get to know their friends. You could do this by befriending the child’s parents or having the child over at your house to hang out. Most likely, at some point your child is going to befriend someone that may display some concerning behavior. How you handle this situation as a parent is crucial! If you demand that the child, not see that kid anymore it is highly possible you could damage the bonds with your own child and the child could begin lying about seeing the friend. As a parent it is our job to guide our children and I encourage you to be open and honest and communicate with your child about your concerns. Let your child know why the relationship concerns you, and what you expect from your child. Also, talk to your child about what they can do and how they can say no in the case that a friend might put them in a bad situation or try to get them to do something they know they shouldn’t do. You may consider developing parameters for the friendship. Those parameters could look like that friend is allowed to come to your house, but your child is not allowed to hang out at their house or maybe your child is allowed to hang out with that friend only if other friends are there as well. 

I think it is also important to address a saying we’ve all heard many times. “Susie just got in with the wrong crowd.” This statement implies that it isn’t just one friend with concerning behavior, it's all or the vast majority of the friends. I’ve seen this time and time again, and many parents take the route of grounding or banning them from seeing their friends. I am in no way saying that you should continue to let your child hang out with kids with negative behaviors. However, remember this blog addresses that having friendships with their peers is a protective factor. Isolating our children is not. If you find yourself in this situation it may be helpful to do some course correction with your child. Encourage them to meet new people or make new friends. You may have to help them with this by encouraging them to join new activities or social groups. You could introduce them to new people or ask them to hang out with other people they might know. Regardless, just remember we want our children to have healthy and meaningful friendships. Friendship with peers is a protective factor, and isolation is not. The most impactful thing we can do as caregivers is to communicate with our children and make sure they know our expectations and what will happen if those expectations are or are not met. 

Identity Exploration

Protective Factor: Identity Exploration 

This month we are going to focus on a protective factor. Protective factors are factors in a youth’s life that make them less likely to use substances. Today the protective factor we are going to talk about is Identity Exploration. There are 3 areas specifically listed as areas for identity exploration. Those three areas are Identity Exploration in lov e, work, and world view.  Today’s blog is going to focus on one of those areas, being identify exploration in work.  

Work is such a huge part of our lives, even if we wish sometimes, it was less a part. If a person was to work full time from the age of 22-62 the person would work over 83,000 hours. That is over 10,000 8-hour shifts. Work is a crucial part of our lives for many reasons. Of course, the obvious is that we work to earn money to be able to live and pay for things like housing, transportation, food, and clothing. But for many, work is more than just a paycheck, work also gives us a sense of purpose and overall feelings of accomplishment. Work creates routine in our lives, and can bring us many friendships and growth opportunities. 

I don’t know about you, but when I think back to being a young person I remember finding the idea of choosing what I was going to do for the rest of my life very overwhelming! I knew I wanted to attend college, however I didn’t want to choose a degree that led to a job I hated. My experience in working with young people has confirmed that this is a hard decision for most youth.  

Today I want to provide you with some tips for helping your young person make a good decision when it comes to work.  

Tip #1: Take a Vocational Assessment 

There are SOOOO many jobs out there. As a high school student there was no way for me to know about all the different career options. There are several free vocational assessments on the internet that are available for youth. These tests ask lots of questions about what the youth is good at, what they are interested in, and areas they struggle with. My personal favorite is missouriconnections.org. You can choose the Guest Login Option and Career Cluster Inventory. This tool gives you a list of careers that may be a good fit for you and includes the amount of training required and the average salary for the career. There are so many things to consider when choosing a career path, but I would always encourage you to start first with what they like or what sounds fun and interesting to them.  

Tip #2: Job Shadow 

Once you have narrowed it down to a few careers that would possibly be a good fit, I encourage you to work with your child’s school to set up days for them to job shadow. Even if your child is certain they know what they want to do, DON’T skip this step! I recommend that every teen job shadow in at least 3 different career fields that interest them. Job shadowing is such a great experience and gives the youth a real glimpse into what the career actually looks like. It also gives them the opportunity to speak to people in the career and learn about the pros and cons of working in the field.  

Tip #3: Consider 

I encourage you to make list of the pros and cons of each career choice your child is interested in. Here are a list of things to consider:  

1. Training Needed 

1. Pay 

1. Hours 

1. Options of Advancement 

1. Options of Change  

1. Remote or In-Person Work 

1. Location 

1. Time Off 

1. Work-Life Balance 

1. Family Needs 

1. Flexibility 

1. Team-Work / Independent Work Environment 

Of course there are so many things to consider, this list was created just to help you really get to thinking about what is important when looking for a job.  

Tip #4: Give it Some Time 

I may should have listed this tip first, because all too often young people don’t start considering career choices early enough, and find them in a position where they have to make a decision quickly. Work with your child to start having these conversations during their Freshman and Sophomore year of High School. This will allow them to have some time to really consider their decision and be able to confidently make the decision that is best for them. Let them make their lists, consider their options, and also talk to other successful people. Encourage them to talk to community members, church members, family members, anyone who will listen. There are lots of things that maybe you didn’t consider that someone else would!  

Tip #5: Make a Decision and Make a Plan 

Once the youth has made a decision about which career they would like to pursue then help them make a plan with SMART Goals. If you need help writing SMART Goals, this video does a great job explaining it! 

How to write a SMART goal (video) | Khan Academy 

Write the plan down! Post it in your house where everyone in the family can see it, and do your best to help support your young person in achieving their goals. Having the steps to reach the goal visible will help your child see the hope, and make the plan not so overwhelming. 

In Summary, work exploration is so important for young people. Having the opportunity to explore their own identity is a protective factor because it allows them to have the opportunity to be content with their choices in an area of their life that has a huge impact. As caregivers, I encourage you to check your own opinions and biases and do your best not to push those on the young people. We all want to see our children succeed, but it is important that we allow them to have the independence to make the decision that is best for them. Guide them, listen to them, but make sure you don’t push them in a direction they don’t want to go. The encouragement of a parent or caregiver has a huge impact at this stage of life! 

Impulsivity

This month’s blog is focused on a risk factor that can affect all youth at times. We are going to be looking at youth being impulsive. If you’ve been around any youth for an extended period of time it is easy to notice that many youth are impulsive. They act on their feelings or needs without thinking through the situation. This can lead to risky and potentially dangerous behavior.  

Let’s look at an example. A young boy was playing in his yard, and he saw a dog walking down the street. His immediate thought was that he wanted to pet the dog. So, he took off running as fast as he could at the dog. The dog felt threatened by the little boy, and when he got close the dog lunged at the child and attempted to bite him. Here is what we know about the situation. The young boy acted on impulse, his thought was that he wanted to pet the dog and the fastest way to do it was to run at him. The little boy did not stop to think about how his behavior may affect the dog, or how the dog would respond. The young boy strictly acted on impulse.  

So why? Why are young people so impulsive? The answer to this question lies in the fact that youth's brains are not fully developed. The ability to critically think and make decisions is one that is not fully developed until the youth’s brain reaches the age of maturity around age 26. Looking back at your own life, I’m sure we can all agree that we made some questionable decisions as young people. This impulsivity becomes especially risky around the age of puberty. When you pair a dopamine seeking, not fully developed brain with changing hormone levels it creates the perfect storm for impulsive and risky decision making.  

What can we do? As caregivers, the impulsive behavior of youth can be scary. We want our children to think through their decisions and make safe, healthy choices. Impulsivity is natural, and though some children are more impulsive than others, it has a lot to do with the developing brain and changing hormones. Impulsivity puts our children at risk of substance use, suicide, and risky sexual behavior. The best thing we can do to fight the effects of impulsivity is to strengthen skills and open the lines of communication with our children. Decision making is a skill that can be taught and practiced. Teach your child to make healthy decisions and allow them to practice this skill. Talk to your child about the decisions before they have to make them. For example, if you and your child have talked about why they shouldn’t drink alcohol and what they could say in the case they were offered a drink, it may be a lot easier for them to respond in a real-life situation when they are being offered alcohol. This gives them the ability to react based on skill and experience rather than impulse.  

The Importance of Physical and Psychological Safety

I want you to think back to your own childhood and think about something that scared you as a child. In my own childhood, it was always the dark. I was fine until my parents turned off the lights at night, and all of the sudden I was concerned of what may be lurking in the shadows. This is a completely typical childhood fear, that I was able to overcome as I got older and realized there was nothing in my room in the dark that wasn’t there when the lights were on. My fully developed brain is able to think more logically about situations that I was capable of when I was a child.

Now I want you to think about a time in your adult life when you have felt fear. Regardless of the situation that caused you to feel the fear, I think we can all agree on one thing. When you feel true fear, it is hard to focus on anything else. Our bodies are wired to respond to fear. Typically, our bodies respond to fear in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Our reaction could depend on a variety of factors such as the situation and our past experience.

There was a large study on Adverse Childhood Experiences in the 1990’s. You can learn more about the ACE study here: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (cdc.gov). This study revealed how childhood trauma has long-term impacts on the body. There is even research that tells us that trauma actually changes the way our DNA is read. Click the link above to learn more about the effects of adverse childhood experiences.

Let me get to the point. Our children feel fear too, and sometimes this fear can be traumatic for them. It may not always seem logical to us what they are afraid of, but it doesn’t change the fact that they feel fear in the same and very real way that we feel fear as adults. This month we are going to focus on a protective factor. Protective Factors are factors in youth’s life that make it less likely they will use substances. This month’s protective factor is physical and psychological safety.

Let’s start with physical safety. This could mean living in a safe neighborhood, safe home, and not fearing physical harm through abuse or neglect. Imagine for a moment you were a child living in a neighborhood filled with violence, or you were being abused by a caregiver. Now, think about how you feel when you experience fear. Children who are growing up concerned for their physical safety are unable to focus on things like learning to ride a bike or completing their homework on time. Instead, their thoughts are consumed with how they are going to survive. As adults, we need to recognize that this is a huge risk factor. These children may struggle to bond with caregivers, struggle with school, become withdrawn, and host of other risk factors for substance abuse. These children are also often looking for an escape from the fear they feel in their lives, which also could lead to substance use. Physical safety is key to healthy development.

Now let’s talk about Psychological Safety. Psychological Safety is the feeling that one can express their ideas, thoughts, and feelings without the fear of humiliation or rejection. Youth who feel like they will be humiliated for expressing themselves may be looking for ways to escape or numb the pain of not feeling like they can be themselves. Youth who do not feel psychologically safe may also struggle more with bonding to caregivers and could become rebellious.

What can you do as a caregiver? As a parent it is your job to ensure your child is physically safe. Avoid putting your child in dangerous situations, work to make sure your home is a safe environment, and monitor the people who you allow to have access to your child. Ensuring our children are psychologically safe may be a little more difficult, but the same principles apply. Encourage your child to express their feelings, thoughts, and opinions, and learn to respond in a way that makes them feel they can express these feelings without being humiliated or rejected. If there is a situation that is causing your child psychological harm, explore ways to resolve or remove your child from the situation. If your child is struggling with psychological safety and you don’t know how to help, I encourage you to seek help from a Mental Health Professional.

In summary, children often feel fear and this fear can sometimes lead to childhood trauma. This trauma and feelings of not being safe put children at a higher risk for substance use along with other negative outcomes later in life. As parents, it is our job to keep our children safe both physically and psychologically. When we ensure our children are physically and psychologically safe we are promoting healthy development.

Opportunities to Belong

Opportunities to Belong

A Protective Factor

In a world that values being unique and independent I think it’s easy to forget sometimes that though we are all different in our own ways, we are much more alike than we are different. One of the ways that most all humans are alike is that they thrive when connected. This month’s blog is going to talk about the opportunity to belong. Opportunities to belong is listed as a protective factor, but I’m also going to explain through this blog how this can quickly become a risk factor for the same foundational reasoning.

Like I mentioned earlier, as humans, we all want to feel connected and like we are a part of something. These feelings of connection and belonging give us purpose and a place in this big scary world. What comes to your mind when I say opportunities to belong? Do you think of your church group? Book Club? Family? Friend Group? Regardless of what group you click with, its important to find just that. A group that you share some type of connection with. Hopefully, when you think of the groups you belong to in your own life, they are positive ones. However, I also want you to think about how looking for opportunities to belong could also have a negative effect, especially on the life of a young person. What about hanging around with the “wrong crowd”? Gangs? Groups engaging in risky behavior such as substance use?

As parents and caregivers, it is important to remember that our children are going to be looking for opportunities to belong in this big world, and it is our job to guide them to find opportunities to belong that are safe and healthy. Helping your child find a place to belong can be done in a variety of ways, and though social media is often scary for parents, it can also bring us together in ways we never saw possible before. Some youth have no problem finding a place to belong. Maybe they enjoy sports and have found a sense of belonging with their soccer or football team. Other children may find more of a sense of belonging with a club at school such as art club, or even their church group. What should we do when our child is struggling though? How can we help them find a place to belong? Let’s start simple. What does your child enjoy? Do they like to do things outside like fishing, or do they enjoy playing video games? Even if it isn’t what you wish they enjoyed its important to recognize and validate what makes them happy. Then, look for an opportunity. If your child enjoys reading, then check the local library for activities centered around books. Is your child a teen parent? How about joining the local Young Parent Mentoring Program? Your child enjoys fishing? Look for some new places to take your child fishing where they may be able to meet other people with similar hobbies. I encourage you to also think outside the box! Your child like to argue? How about the debate team? Does your child like to cook? How about cooking lessons or a technical program at school?

The important thing to remember is it is important for us to help our children find a place they can belong that is safe and healthy. All too often, we see young people going down a path that we know isn’t good for them. I encourage to look past the behavior and ask yourself. Is the child just looking for a place to belong? If so, lets help redirect and guide them to find an opportunity to belong that is safe, healthy, and promotes growth.

Risk Factor: Favorable Attitudes towards Drugs

Summer is finally upon us! The end of the school year always brings lots of fun and exciting activities for households with school-aged youth. Summertime is such a great time for families to spend time together and enjoy the nice weather and outdoor activities. Today’s blog is going to address a Risk Factor. I usually like my blogs to focus on the positive and promoting protective factors as much as possible, however sometimes it is necessary for us to talk about the things that put our kids at a higher risk for using substances. The risk factor I am going to talk about today is one that we see frequently in our society. Today we are going to be taking a deeper dive into the Risk Factor of Favorable Attitudes towards Drugs.

I encourage you to think for a moment about your own attitudes towards drugs, as well as the attitudes of the people around you. Perhaps you have negative attitudes towards drugs like heroin or cocaine, but what about alcohol and tobacco? When I think of Summer my mind automatically goes to the number of families spending time at the river or lake on the weekends. I think most people would agree that our society has favorable attitudes towards drinking a “cold beer” on a hot summer day at the river or having a glass of wine with dinner after a long day at work. We see these attitudes depicted through Tiktok videos, facebook posts, our favorite shows, and advertisements for the products themselves.

Now that you have examined your own attitudes towards drugs, lets talk about our kids. Do you know what kind of attitude your child has about substances like alcohol or tobacco? Do they think that it makes you look more grown up to vape nicotine? Do they feel that the best way to relax is to drink a beer at the end of the day? Does your child think that using cannabis is the best way to deal with stress? Research tells us that youth who have favorable attitudes towards drugs are at a higher risk for using them. The fact is that drugs like alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana have completely different effects on a developing brain. As parents, most of us can agree that we definitely don’t want anything to get in the way of our children’s development. So what can we do?

In order to address this risk factor we must first ask ourselves, how do our children develop attitudes about drugs? This answer is probably more complicated than we would like, and the answer is most likely through a variety of influences. Youth could develop attitudes about drugs from education, their peers, advertisements, social media, movies, television shows, or even family members. These attitudes generally start developing at a very young age, and can easily change as they grow older and are influenced by other people or media. While it may not be possible to completely control your child’s attitude towards drugs, please don’t doubt your ability as a parent to influence them. Our children are surrounded by influences everyday through media and the world around them, and ultimately will look to you as their parent and trusted caregiver to help them develop healthy attitudes. For example, say the child is learning in health class about the negative effects of alcohol on a developing brain. Then they hear some peers at school talking about how much fun they had drinking excessive amounts alcohol. Now there is a conflict between two influences. We know that when we are having these conflicting thoughts we often look to what we know to help us as we develop our own opinions, and good or bad, what we know is often what we learned at home.

In conclusion, favorable attitudes towards drugs is a risk factor that puts youth at a higher risk for using substances. Substance use has a different effect on a developing brain. Youth attitudes are developed and influenced by many factors, and as parents the best we can do for our child is to help them develop heathy attitudes about substances.

Protective Factor: Healthy Physical Development

As we have discussed in previous blog posts protective factors present in a child’s life are proven to reduce the risk of youth substance use. Today’s protective factor is healthy physical development. Think back for a moment to when your child was first born. You may have heard a lot about developmental milestones from the nurses, your pediatrician, and even any early childhood educators. These milestones helped guide you to know when your child should be rolling over, crawling, walking, and even talking.  These milestones are developed and published by the CDC to ensure that children are developing the way they should, and at the rate they should. These guidelines can be a huge help to first time parents who aren’t sure what is “normal” for a child at any age.

I’ll be honest, when my son was first born I had the list of milestones on the refrigerator in my home. I looked at them often and was very aware of the things that my son needed to be doing and by when. I’m not sure when it happened, but sometime between then and now the list is gone, and I have no idea what my child “should” be able to do. There is always discussion at our annual wellness checkups with the pediatrician about if my child is meeting all the developmental milestones, but outside of that it isn’t something I think about often. The internet is a great resource, however sometimes the vast amount of information presented can be overwhelming to many parents when they are trying to find information to help their child. I am no expert on developmental milestones, so today I would like to focus on sharing a specific resource with you.

If your child is 5 years old or younger, the CDC has published a list of developmental milestones. These milestones are categorized by age and include many different categories such as physical, social/ emotional, language/ communication, and many more. You can find these on the CDC App, or by visiting their website at CDC’s Developmental Milestones | CDC.

What about when our children are older than 5? Is there still a list of healthy developmental milestones? Absolutely! You can visit this website Positive Parenting Tips | CDC and click on your child’s age group. There is a list of developmental milestones for your child’s age group as well as a list of parenting tips for parenting during that age range, and tips on keeping your child healthy. These are extremely helpful and thorough. You can also find a list of specific conditions such as ADHD, Anxiety, and Learning Disorders. If you click on the specific condition you can see research, data, and recommendations for parenting children with the specific conditions. Again, there are many lists of developmental milestones on the internet, however this list is extremely reliable, and used by most pediatricians and early childhood educators.

Now that you know where to find information about healthy physical development, lets talk about why its important. Healthy physical development is listed as a protective factor for many reasons. Healthy physical development is linked to many of the other protective and risk factors that we have already discussed. One example of this is the protective factor of academic achievement, healthy physical development is critical to your child’s success in the school setting. Healthy physical development is also strongly correlated with becoming independent, strong social emotional skills, self-efficacy, and belief in the future. It is important that we know what our child should be able to do at their age so that we can recognize if they are not meeting those developmental milestones.

I would also like to spend a little time talking about what you can do if your child is not meeting the developmental milestones outlined by the CDC. First, I would start by discussing your concerns with your child’s pediatrician and/or their classroom teacher. There are many different providers who can help your child depending on the milestone they are needing to work on. For example, if the child is struggling to meet a physical milestone, they may need help from a physical therapist. If your child is struggling with language or speech, it is possible they could benefit from working with a Speech Language Pathologist. If your child is in school, there may be additional testing the school can provide free of charge to determine if your child may need help from a professional. Your child’s pediatrician also has many tools to determine if your child may need extra support. These conversations can sometimes be hard for parents to have because we all want our children to be happy and healthy.  I want to encourage you to have the conversation! Early intervention is the key and may help your child be able to overcome the challenges they are facing and move on to a happy and healthy life!

Becoming Independent

Today we are going to discuss becoming independent. We know that becoming independent is a part of growing up that can often cause stress and friction between families. As youth get older they often crave independence and it is oftentimes a struggle for caregivers to determine if the youth are ready for this independence. So what do you think about becoming independent? Would you consider this to be a risk factor or a protective factor for youth substance misuse?

If you guessed Protective Factor, then you are correct! I have had numerous conversations around this topic with both youth and caregives. This topic is addressed in the parent workshop and the youth education we offer. I always start with the youth by having them identify how their role in their family has changed as they have gotten older. Most of the youth report that they do have more responsibilities in their family now than they did when they were young, but that not much else has changed. Most youth tell us that they do not feel like they have a say in the decisions their parents make for them. Parents on the other hand usually feel that by giving their child more responsibilities they are helping them become independent. This is absolutely true. Responsibility absolutely helps our children become more independent.  However, I feel that what the youth are saying is that we are not giving them independence in the areas of their life they crave.

Most youth want to be able to feel like they are able to make decisions for their own life. I encourage parents to look at making decisions in the same way they would look at teaching their child to do their own laundry or to cook a meal. Making decisions is a skill. Just like with teaching our children how to do laundry we first teach them how then we give them an opportunity to practice. It is important to look at making decisions the same way. First, we must teach our children how to make decisions. We can begin doing this at a young age. It may start simple by making a decision about which snack they would like to have or which show they would like to watch. As they become older decisions become more complex. There may be more than one option and we can also teach our children that all decisions have consequences, some good and some bad. We can use these life examples to teach our children how to consider all options and consequences and make the decision that is best for them. Here is where the hard part comes in. After we have taught our children how to make decisions, we must let them PRACTICE making decisions. I’m a mama, I know sometimes this is hard because I see the situation and I know that my child’s decision may hurt them in some way and my instincts tell me to step in and save them from that hurt by making the right decision for them. However, if I am always the one making decisions for my child, they will never truly learn how to do this for themselves.

Now, onto the point. Becoming Independent is actually considered a Protective Factor. Youth who are allowed to become independent and feel that they can make decisions for themselves are LESS likely to misuse substances. Often times when youth are using substances they may be doing so to try to make themselves seem or feel or look more grown up. If we allow our children to feel grown up in other ways such as making decisions for themselves, then it is highly possible they won’t need to turn to substance use to get that same feeling. Not sure where to start? Allow your child to become a part of making decisions that affect their lives. Let them help choose where the family is going on vacation, what the family is going to eat for dinner, what extra-curricular activities they want to be involved in, or even when they are ready to get a part time job and how they spend their money.

In summary, just remember that our children need our guidance to learn how to make decisions that will allow them to live a healthy and happy life. In allowing our children to practice making decisions we are fulfilling their desire to become more independent in a healthy way and are also decreasing the likelihood they will misuse substances.